Monthly Archives: February 2021

Day 59: The Value of Getting to The Heart of The Matter

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Getting to the heart of the matter is getting to the root, core, essenses and center of the subject. The most important essential facts are important to getting to the heart of the matter before we make any decisions.

“We’d forgive most things if we knew the facts.” -Grahm Green, The Heat of The Matter

At first I thought Green said, We’d forget things if we knew the facts, and that made me laugh. I think this is true with all the controversy between our political views if we truly knew the facts we wouldn’t let conspiracy theory have such a hold on us. It was Jesus who said, the truth will set you free. Getting to the heart and soul of the matter is getting to that truth. It’s not my truth or your truth, it’s making sure what we are choosing to believe is in fact the truth. We also have an inner compass that tell a us when something doesn’t seem right.

I told Tom the other day I wish we could build a wall around our house where we never let anyone in anymore who talks about politics, but that’s not getting to the heart of the matter that’s like saying talk to the hand because the face isn’t listening. Or should I call it by it’s real name our, ego.

Reflection: Every day in every way I want to be fair, kind, respectful and informed. Let’s get to the heartof the matter together. Not my way or your way, but all of us laying down our prides so we can more informed decision.

Day 58: The Value of Marriage

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It doesn’t matter what the experts say the value of marriage is. The value is the worth that each person in a relationship puts into it. I say that not as an expert but as someone who has lived it for the past 50 years. Love is unity and marriage unites, bringing two people together through love. It’s a decision everyday of working together in harmony. Marriage embraces our differences and accepts, respects and trust with honest understanding.

When people ask us what has made your marriage work? First thing for us is that God is at the center of it. We geneuionly like each other. We are always honest. We talk things through, have health arguments, never go to bed mad at each other. We see our blessings and we offer thanks and praise every day.

For us the value of marriage is held in the key of love. Love makes anything possible. It’s a precious gift and we cherish, care for and protect it with all that we are.

Reflection: Maybe we are not experts in the field of marriage, but today we celebrate our 50th Anniversary. We are still very happy after all these years, so we must be doing something right.

Day 57: The Value of Humility

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What is humility?

*Dr. Anne K. Schaffner in an article called ,“What is Humility? The Power of Humility with 5 Practicle Exercises” says “Humility has nothing to do with meekness or weakness. And neither does it mean being self-effacing or submissive. Humility is an attitude of spiritual modest that comes from understanding our place in larger order of things. It entails not taking our desires, successes, or failings too seriously.

Some interpersonal aspects of humility are:

  • A willingness to see ourselves truthfully
  • An accurate perspective of our place in the worl
  • An ability to acknowledge our mistakes and limitations
  • Openness
  • Low self-focus
  • An appreciation of the value of things

As character strength, it is an essential component of moral character that is manifested in modesty, being empathetic, acknowledged and respecting others at a deeper level, and accurately understanding as well as owning our limitations.(Harvey & Pauwels, 2004)

Humility can be viewed as opposite of pride, arrogance, and an inflated sense of our importance and talents. It is based on a fundamentally caring and compassionate attitude toward others.

I like to think that I have a humble view of myself, but then I realize I tend to have a low opinion of myself. Extremely low self-esteem is as bad as a narcissistic overvaluation of their talents is just an inverted form of self-obsession, another way of fixating on ourselves rather than directing our attention toward others.

I’d much rather be fixated on the positive things I can do for others then on the negative evaluations of myself.

Reflection: I don’t know about you but I could work a little harder on the value of humility in my life. It seems like the world could be a better place if we all worked a little harder on it.

* positivepsychology.com

Day 56: The Value of Self-Care

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The value of self-care simply means that you are being mindful of your own needs, so you are better able to support the people you care about. When you take care of yourself and are not stressed, you are better able to meet the needs of others.

Self-care comes in a variety of forms. Here are five important ones.

*1. Physical self-care -there’s a strong connection to the body and your mind. When you’re caring for your body, you’ll think and feel better too. Things like getting adequate sleep, eating healthy, and exercising.

2. Social Self-Care- Socialization is key to self-care, making time for the important people in your life. The key is figuring out what our social needs are and making time for our social life.

3. Mental self-care- Exercising the mind and keeping it sharp by doing puzzles, reading books, watching movies that inspire. Staying mentally healthy by practicing self-compassion, and acceptance.

4. Spiritual self-care- Nurturing your religion or spirituality lifestyle. Developing a deeper sense of meaning, understanding, or purpose.

5-Emotional self-care- Having healthy coping skills. Talking with friends or a therapist having an emotional set of tools on hand to help you through the difficult times. *

Self-care is just that, it’s about taking care of yourself. Because we are all different, no one way fits all. Self-care requires some downtime to recharge, reevaluate, and exercise what works best for us.

Reflection: I don’t know about you but I have a lot of loving and giving I want to do. That means I have a lot of self-care work to do so I can be the best at what I love to do.

* http://www.verywellmind.com 5 Self-care practices for every area of your life

Day 55: The Value of Respect

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What does the value of respect mean to you?

A value is something we hold so worthy that we want to make it a part of who we are. Respect holds the same worthiness. But how do we know how to respect others? The same way we know how to love others. It begins with us. Having a healthy kind of respect for ourselves first helps us to know what it feels like. When we respect ourselves we treat ourselves better. We are called to love our neighbors as ourselves. To treat one another as we would want to be treated. It’s not being self-centered it’s being heart-centered. And being heart-centered means we can respect from a place of love.

Reflection: What the value of respect means to me begins with my Creator (God). I do not respect myself for the sake of me, but I honor God by respecting who He created me to be, and what my being has to offer to the world. If I can see myself through the eyes of God in this way how can I not respect others for who God created them to be as well?

Day 54: The Value of Perspectives

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I’ve been meeting with a small group of like-minded friends for over 10 years now. We have read various spiritual books and share our perspectives on them giving each other a different insight or way of looking at the same thing we have read. We are each on the same journey but taking different paths so the perspectives we get are from our points of view. What gives a deeper understanding of each other’s perspective is our shared journey. That’s what makes it so wonderful.

It’s not always so wonderful when our perspective is different from others. It’s difficult at times to understand how two people can stand side by side and witness the same thing but come away with two completely different sides of the story. Everything that we are is so unique and different from one another that we use our sense of perceptions from those unique points of view. Our differences should not be judged, but instead respected for whom we are.

The value of perception is held within the uniqueness of each person. If we want to be respected for what we believe and our perspective on things then we need to respect each other in the same way.

Reflection: Everything I write about is through research and my final perception of what those things are. I appreciate that you take into account my point of view, and always welcome your feedback and perspective on things, too.

Day 53: The Value of Thoughtfulness

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It sure does feel good when someone reaches out a helping hand. Not because you asked for their help but just because they wanted to give of themselves to you. We shouldn’t have to experience it to give back to others but how can we not want to do that after knowing how loved it makes us feel.

A value is a principle that guides our thinking and behaviour. Thoughtfullness takes the focus off ourselves and puts it on the needs of other people. Being thoughtful is one of those boomerang 🪃 affects I often talk about. While you’re doing a good deed for someone else making them feel loved, cared for and special all the good feelings you thoughtfully give come flooding back to you.

Dr. Paul Hokemyer, marriage and family therapist, says, “Evidence abounds showing we are emotionally and physically healthier when we are meaningfully engaged with others in a compassionate and altruistic way. It actually releases a host of good hormone such as oxytocin dopamine. A natural way of feeling good without taking pills. Who knew that all the effort we put into helping someone else could be just as good for us.

Sometimes my life is so busy that I don’t think about the people I truly care about enough. But now I have this Todo program that reminds me to be thoughtful to someone each day.?.Maybe it’s just a phone call. A special note or card. A dinner for someone recovering, a visit for someone who is only. Sometimes it’s just validating someone for the job they do. Be creative, trust your instincts and that thoughtfulness will come shinning through you.

Reflection: a quote from Margaret Mead: “Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has.”

I’m in! How about you?

Day 52: The Value of Clarity

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I was driving home from getting my hair done yesterday evening and it was hard to see because the lights from the oncoming cars seemed super bright to me. I haven’t driven in the evening for a while and wondered what the heck was going on with my eyes now. When I got home and was watching TV later, I noticed, too, that I wasn’t seeing clearly. I held my glasses up to the light and there were tiny splatter marks all over the lenses; ah it looks like hair spray. I can see clearly now, my eyeglasses are clean.

It reminds me that sometimes the way we look at things is like looking through distorted lenses. Making our clarity seem a little off. I don’t know about you but things haven’t seemed very clear for a long time. We can’t find clarity on the issues if we don’t look for the facts. We can’t find the truth if we are only looking through the lens of one source. We can’t find clarity if we don’t listen to what our intuition is trying to tell and show us.

Valuing the Clarity we desire in our life begins within each one of us. It often means taking a step out of our comfort zones to see things from different directions and angles. When I don’t know which way to go or what direction to look, I pray for guidance and clarity. Sometimes I have to lay my pride down, that old idea of letting go and let God show me the way. I guess that’s where I truly find the value of clarity through the lens of God’s eyes.

Reflection: Today I needed a sense of clarity and direction. I committed to writing these One A Day Values for 2021. I can’t tell you how many times I wanted to say the heck with it. But with each value I write, I find myself being challenged to live up to the worth they hold in my own life. So through the encouragement of God I will fulfill my commitment, to God, to you, and to myself.

Day 51: The Value of Expectation

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What is the difference between expectancy and hope? That was the first thought I had as I attempted to write about the value of expectation. I was surprised to see my exact question with many explanations to read from.

My conclusion was that expectation is the end result. Hope is an all-encompassing process.

I don’t expect you to love me, like me or hate me. But I hope you do love and like me because you have the desire in your heart to do so. I do not like putting my expectations on other people. It just sets me up for disappointment and what right do I have to expect anything from someone else. I can expect to do things in my own life to bring about the kind of results I can embrace, but I don’t feel I have a right to expect the same in return. I can only hope that the good I do for others will make me feel good about what I’ve done.

I have used my own expectations to create the kind of life I wanted. My expectation for a better life created the picture of the end result, but it was hope that put the work I needed to do into action so I could accomplish what my expectation desired.

The value of expectation comes from the hope we place in it turning the end result of our expectation into a process of our own creation. Because in the end the only part of the expectation we have control over is the part we play in it.

Reflection: I’m grateful to have a better grip on expectations that gives it a better sense of value for me that I can embrace.

Day 50: The Value of Flow

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How do you value flow? And I ask, how can you not?

A value is something you find worth in. Being in the flow of life, is there any place else you’d rather be?

It’s when, “The ego falls away. Time flies. Every action, movement and thought follows inevitably from the previous one. Your whole being is involved, and you’re using your skills to the utmost.” -Dr. Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

I wish I could be in the flow all the time, but this morning my mind was all over the place. I couldn’t stop the thoughts flowing through my head and concentrate on what I wanted to write about. Trying to stop the flow of thoughts was getting in the way and I couldn’t get control of the flow. By now my flowing river is all jammed-up.

Why is it that we don’t remember how to use the tools we have when we need them the most? I learned in the practice of meditation that you can’t stop the flow of your thoughts. You can validate them by recognizing them and letting them pass through you. Or sometimes I just take time out to journal all my thoughts and see what they are trying to tell me. Each thought I tend to unclogs my banked-up river. Thoughts are like people, sometimes they just need to be recognized for what they have to offer, to be validated. The clarity of our flowing thoughts helps us to get rid of all the junk that is really clogging up our way. I can tell the stupid stuff to stop bugging me, and go away.

Often doing something I enjoy, like making my book thong markers, gets me in a place of flow. Where I can sort through my thoughts in a constructive way. Being in the flow also makes the things we have to do a little bit easier too.

Reflection: I am grateful for the clarity that comes when I let go of all the things that hold me back, and jump with the freedom it creates back into the flow of my life.